When necessary, extract step-by-step descriptions of the complaint – Steve de Shazer – Clues pp 98

Guiding yourself, someone else, a team, or an organization within a change takes acceptance of the person, the task, and the action.

In earlier posts, I share 3 useful areas to look for progress clues of change:

1. Change happens when it seems reasonable
2. Exception to the norm is change
3. Change through a small nudge

A step-by-step description of the complaint is useful only when necessary.

How do I know when the complaint steps are required?

1. describing the complaint in excessive feeling terms, as opposed to observable actions.
2. sharing a response focused on eliminating the complaint, as opposed to what will happen / how things are different when the complaint is absent.
3. a symptom-prescription task may be useful. Asking the person/team to do more of the problem/complaint
4. complaint purposefully is described as something they have no control over; it is viewed as involuntary.
5. describing the complaint as causing a physiological response

Listening and respecting the challenge as it is seen will show cooperation.

Avoid trying to ‘dig deeper’ into the complaint or change resistance. By attempting to dig deeper, you will taint the discussion based upon the assumption that you’ve found the root cause; this is not the root cause – it is your assumption of their response. Once this assumption happens, you will angle your responses and language through what you believe is the root cause for the challenge or change resistance – this is not helpful to the person … it may be helpful for you.